--------------------------------------
ICQ History Log For:
SD
Started on Sun May 14 23:05:07 2000
--------------------------------------
Morrigan 5/14/00 9:02 AM I want to appologize
first. I just found out
it was you my friend Bri was talking to about
me and Balor. I am sorry she contacted you and
I'm sorry she made the suicide thing up. I am
not and wasn't anywhere near killing myself.
She was trying to protect me from more of
Balor's lies and all of his cheating. Let me
assure you, Bri is gone, and that I am not
here to play games with you...only to find
some truth to the lies he's told me.
Morrigan 5/14/00 9:04 AM I know he tells everyone
I talk to that I am
crazy and have been stalking him, that is NOT
the truth. If it were, would he have come to
Louisiana to see me? I have an email
conversation we had last week about starting
over, I'm willing to send to you as proof I'm
not making anything up. I have broken up with
him for good, and am now just looking for the
truth about what has been going on.
SD 5/14/00 9:39 AM I am on my way to work soon
im not sure
how i got in volved in this, but if you wish
to talk i will be home later
Morrigan 5/14/00 9:40 AM Thank you. We are doing mother's day here.
SD 5/14/00 9:40 AM your welcome happy mothers day bye
Morrigan 5/14/00 9:40 AM Bye.
Morrigan 5/14/00 9:50 AM I just thought about
what you said. How did
you get involved *S* Well, I guess by knowing
him. You see, Balor has very few girls who are
JUST friends. I'm trying to find out how many
of them he's lied to me about. I want truths
with his pathological lying, I've been unable
to get them.
Morrigan 5/14/00 10:51 PM Hi. Will you still talk to me?
SD 5/14/00 10:52 PM what do you want to know?
Morrigan 5/14/00 10:53 PM For the last 4 years Balor
has lied to me and
cheated on me. I am simply trying to find out
the truth. After he was here last month, I've
found out he has been not only seeing other
women but sleeping with them as well. I broke
up with him. Now I'm just trying to find out
how many he told me were only friends, were
more than that.
Morrigan 5/14/00 10:53 PM There is something to be
said for knowing the
truth. If you can understand that.
SD 5/14/00 10:54 PM yes thats true you
have been with him for
4 years?
Morrigan 5/14/00 10:56 PM Yes. We met when he
lived here, in Louisiana.
When he moved back home, he asked me to come,
I couldnt. We discussed it and decided to try
to work something out long distance. Since
that time he has sworn he wasnt seeing
anyone.....I know he's had 2 serious
relationships since that time and know of 4
others he's dated and slept with. At the same
time he was also SAYING he wanted to work
things out with me.
Morrigan 5/14/00 10:57 PM I have a copy of our conversation
last week
about working it out. That was before I found
the online ads and talked to a couple of other
women. I will forward it to you if you do not
believe me.
I'm sure he's told you I'm crazy, stalk him
etc......if that were true, why was here here
in my house for 10 days last month?
SD 5/14/00 10:57 PM I will be honest with you Balor and I went
on
one date in FEB. it didn't click we decided
to be just friends but haven't even really
been that for quite some time now. he never
mentioned you to me
Morrigan 5/14/00 10:58 PM He never mentions me to
anyone.
In Feb he was telling me he was coming here to
work things out......started that conversation
back in Dec.
SD 5/14/00 10:58 PM he told me was single at that time
Morrigan 5/14/00 10:59 PM Well, if you call not seeing
the person you
claim to be in love with single....yeah, he
was single.
He was and has been setting up dates with
women.....while at the same time asking me if
we could work things out and telling me he
loved me.
SD 5/14/00 11:01 PM look im sorry I did not know about you,
but
as I said we just were friends didn't click
between us
Morrigan 5/14/00 11:02 PM I'm sorry. I'm VERY
angry with him. He didn't
need to come here and do the things he did. I
let him go back in Nov but he kept asking for
another chance.....I loved him once VERY much.
I just didn't know what a pathological lier
he is.
SD 5/14/00 11:03 PM yes it seems that way I
wish I could help
you more but i really dont know much else
Morrigan 5/14/00 11:03 PM You told me what it was
that I needed to know.
It also explains why he canceled plans to
come here on the first of March.
Thank you.
SD 5/14/00 11:04 PM your welcome good luck
Morrigan 5/14/00 11:04 PM And I am sorry for what
my friend did. She
knew about a lot of this and was trying to
protect me from it.
SD 5/14/00 11:04 PM its ok
Morrigan 5/14/00 11:04 PM Thank you
CC
** Original Subject: RE: Hi
> ** Original Sender: removed at her request
> ** Original Date: Fri, 19 May 2000 19:03:22 -0500
> ** Original Message follows...
>
> hi, first of all how did ya find me by this e-mail? no one knows
me by this one... my main e-mail address is xxxxxx@xxxxxx... i rarely check
this address... anyway, yes i have visited Balor once, last fall... he
told me the same stuff... didnt have anyone, wanted to fall in love with
someone...etc. he was divorced and single... i havent been back to
see him though. we talk every once in a while online. i dunno what
else ya wanna know... let me know and ill try to answer them...
> thanks for letting me know, even though nothing is going on between
us, he still is someone i talk too.
>
>* --------- End Original Message ----------- **
>
Original Subject: Re: HI
Original Sender: xxxxx@xxxxxxx
Original Date: Mon, 19 May 2000 21:37:45
cant really remember exactly when last fall around the end of
august/october sometime...
i dont really remember him talking about you though... just his ex
wife...
anyway, im sorry ya had to go through this, ya cant trust anyone anymore
ive
learned, especially on the net... its just too bad that someone that
is nice
to ya and you believe is your friend can back stab ya in a second...
lie
about things... someone ya thought you could trust...
how many women have ya found so far that has responded that they have
met
him, or went out with him?
> ** Original Subject: RE: Hi
> ** Original Sender:
> ** Original Date: Fri, 19 May 2000 21:08:42 -0500
> ** Original Message follows...
>
> omg i cant believe she would say that to ya... ... i never
slept with him and wouldnt anyway, i just went down to meet him, just
to give me something to do... we went to see a movie and that was it...
he asked me to come visit again, but i didnt and im not... he's not
my type anyway...
>
> hey ya got a pic to trade? just would like to put a face to
who im talkin
> too...lol if not thats ok
>** --------- End Original Message ----------- **
>
Cherie
Subject:
Re: more about Balor
Date:
Thu, 20 Apr 2000 16:44:12 -0700
From:
Jumpher <Jumpher (Morrigan)>
To:
CS <<[email protected]>>
References: 1
Balor is aware, he knows that if it is on my machine, and I feel he
is lying I
will find out. He knows how I found out about you, I asked him
about you long
before I ever emailed you. Respect? Yes, I respect him,
I also respect
myself. I do not delete any message, he got your messages, he
just chose not to
respond I suppose. I have been in this with him for a long time,
it hasn't
always been pretty but we are working on making it all work out.
I have stuck
by him when he was hurt, when he needed someone and when he treated
me like
shit. I've never once lied to him or about him. I have
appologized to him for
checking up, but, he did give me permission. He maintains that
you two will
only be friends, I don't know if that will be or not, I do know that
I am as
comitted to making this work with him and as long as he can say he
loves me I
will be. I do not have secrets from Balor, never have.
He has access to my
whole life, he has just never felt the need to pursue it. Do
not lecture me on
respect, you do not know me and you do not know about Balor and I.
I will do
whatever it takes whenever it takes to find the truth, and he is aware
of that,
might not like it, but is aware. I have no problem with your
friendship and I
hope that it continues. I simply have serious decisions to make
about he and I
and I want to make them informed. I will not move my children
to Oregon and
have to deal with 100 women who all have the wrong idea with him, nor
will I
move up there and have 1/2 of him because he's too busy with whatever.
CS wrote:
> Well, Jumpher (Morrigan) you just blew it. I don't like the fact that
you are checking
> Balor's e-mail. No, I was not lying to you but I do know that he
does not
> want me to say anything while he's on the phone and if I see him
at the bar
> I don't go up to him. It's called respect and looks like I have more
for him
> than you do.
> Yeah, I love him. More than he or anyone else will ever know if you
must
> stick your nose into it but obviously he's not getting any of the
e-mails
> that I have sent him cuz you are getting to them first. So, I guess
if I
> want any real answers I'll have to do it by phone or go over to his
house.I
> know he does not like me in the same way but that doesn't stop my
heart. I
> don't really care as long as he's just there once in a while to even
glimps
> at the store is fine. See, I do have respect for him and I do know
how to
> treat him right but since I've never had a chance to really show
him so be
> it. You on the other hand seem to have no respect for him. So, how
many
> women do you e-mail? You must do it a lot cuz I know how many people
he
> talks to and it's a lot.
> Does he know that you get into his e-mail? Well, doesn't matter,
he will
> now.
ubject:
Re: Balor
Date:
Wed, 19 Apr 2000 15:32:13
PDT
From:
"CS" <<[email protected]>>
To:
Jumpher (Morrigan)
Good luck! He's pretty vague about things is all I have to say. But
hey, He
has a part of my heart as well so I know exactly what you are saying.
And
the part about the women. lol. oh sister, what can I say.
Anyway all I know is that he got screwed over by someone in his past
and
since I've known him (which is not long compared to you)he's got a
great big
brick wall up for anyone who may want to care for him but doesn't fit
into
his "mold" of what he wants. Yeah, I have to be totally honest with
you
though. IF the man ever did show an interst in me I'd jump at the chance.
Probably regret it for the rest of my life but would take the chance.
Anyway, this has been interesting and oh boy does it give me some more
outlook on him.
>From: Jumpher <Jumpher (Morrigan)>
>To: CS <<[email protected]>>
>Subject: Re: Balor
>Date: Wed, 19 Apr 2000 13:27:38 -0700
>
>I appreciate your candor. I've know Balor for 4 years now and
have been
>involved
>with him since before he left here (La), I am still very
>serious
>about us. He's here now, but I don't know why. I know
what I need to do
>here,
>and if anyone's heart is at risk, it has always been mine, God knows
he's
>broken
>it enough with his lies and his women, and I've finally faced that
I will
>always
>love him inspite of it all. I guess if you know the guy, there
isn't
>anything
>mysterious about him although he does have some weird ideas about
>somethings and
>is really too much into self destruction.
>
>Jumpher (Morrigan)
>
>CS wrote:
>
> > lol, Jumpher (Morrigan). Hey, you want him you can have him!
> > No, sorry sister we are just friends and I have no idea how you
got my
> > e-mail but it's all cool.
> > Yeah, I used to like him but he has always treated me like a dog
so if
>you
> > get more than kibble go for it.
> > I hope you don't mind cuz if he'll let me I'll still be there as
a
>friend. I
> > like to watch him play Tribes and he lets me use his computer once
in a
> > while but hey I'm not going to move in on his territory. But be
wise in
>your
> > choice and check out all possiblilites cuz, I am a friend and know
a lot
>but
> > will also fight fiercly to keep him safe and his heart from being
>broken.
> > I will say that if he was ever interested in me I'd be there but
never
>has
> > he shown anything but friendship and we have had long and intense
talks
> > about the subject.
> > Don't know if you are in Oregon, Arizona or the one in New York
but hey,
>who
> > knows and who really cares at this point right?
> >
> > >From: Jumpher <Jumpher (Morrigan)>
> > >To: <[email protected]>
> > >Subject: Balor
> > >Date: Wed, 19 Apr 2000 06:41:14 -0700
> > >
> > >I think you and I have a common friend, Balor. If we do,
we need to
>talk
> > >because I believe we are both involved with him. He has
told me he is
> > >not interested in you and has told you so, I'm not sure I believe
that.
> > >If you know him, please email me.
> > >
> > >~Jumpher (Morrigan)
Name_With_Held_By_Request
Jumpher: I gave you the wrong screen name...should be Balor, from
Or
Name_Withheld_By_Request: hi
Jumpher: Will you talk to me?
Name_Withheld_By_Request: sure
Jumpher: You've talked to Balor
Name_Withheld_By_Request: yes but its been a while
Jumpher: I don't know if you've ever been really lied to or not, but
I have been and I'm out to find out the truths to the lies he's told me
Name_Withheld_By_Request: trust me i have been lied to lots..my
ex did that to me for nine years
Jumpher: Well, Balor has done it for 4
Jumpher: Let me ask. Did the two of you go out?
Name_Withheld_By_Request: no never
Jumpher: Is there anything I should know? I really hope I'm not
offending you by the way.
Name_Withheld_By_Request: no you are not...and i can totally
understand where you are coming from..ive been where you are now....although
i dont really know your situation
Jumpher: I will explain if you want
Name_Withheld_By_Request: sure
Jumpher: I met Balor when he still lived in La.
Jumpher: We dated for 3 years before he left for Oregon, last April
Jumpher: I thought, he let me think, that we only saw each other and
that we were serious. He told me over and over he wasn't seeing anyone,
dating anyone, etc.....
Jumpher: Last month he was here, I found out while he was here he was
lying to me. There have been lots of women, some he's met, some he's
planned on meeting and some he's done a lot more with.
Name_Withheld_By_Request: are you still in LA
Jumpher: Needless to say, I broke up with him, tired of his lies and
deception..... Anyway, I just want to know the truth.....I'm the
kind of person who really needs to know
Jumpher: Yes. He asked me to move many times, but I was afraid
to...too many things didn't add up. I've got 2 kids to think of first.
Jumpher: I did come visit in Nov. To talk about it, but I found
out about 3 women and a couple more he was talking to so I left early and
came home while he was at work.
Name_Withheld_By_Request: i dont remember how we met but i think
he responded to one of my ads
Name_Withheld_By_Request: i never met him and we never talked
on the phone but he did say he was single
Name_Withheld_By_Request: he used to be online late at night
Jumpher: That sounds right. Hell, I didn't even know he had ads
out. When did you meet?
Jumpher: Yes, he's up all night, sleeps all day.
Name_Withheld_By_Request: man that must have been the beginning
of the year of so..i havent talked to him for quite a while..so i took
him off my buddylist
Jumpher: Seems that's when he really started shopping. *sigh*
Man, I have been such a fool. He was begging me for another chance
that I gave him....but he was STILL out looking. I've got a list
of about 40 women. Some he's met, some he traded pics with, some
he slept with....some he just talked to, I don't know yet which ones are
duplicates....I hope a lot.
Name_Withheld_By_Request: i got his pic
Jumpher: If you see him again, you can tell him I talked to you, he
will tell you I'm an obsessed crazy bitch who won't leave him alone.....but,
trust me, that isn't true. I simply want the truth. It haunts
you at night when you don't know it.
Jumpher: The one with the flag? or the ones with the gun and hat?
Name_Withheld_By_Request: the one with the uniform
Jumpher: You want to know the funny thing. He scanned that pic
on MY scanner.
Name_Withheld_By_Request: and one with a had ..but like i said
i took him off my buddylist..and havent talked to him in ages
Name_Withheld_By_Request: hey let me tell you something
Jumpher: ok
Name_Withheld_By_Request: i lived with a dog for almost nine
years...dont waste your time...really
Name_Withheld_By_Request: i tried so hard to figure out how and
why
Name_Withheld_By_Request: its not worth it
Jumpher: I'm through with him.....really. I only love the person
he never was..... I'm just the kind who has to
know.
Jumpher: I lived with a guy for 5 years....to this day I couldn't tell
you what the truths were or what the lies were. It ate at me for
a very, very long time....
Jumpher: I swore I'd never get into that situation again.....and if
I did, I'd make damn sure to know the truth this time.
Name_Withheld_By_Request: i thought so too...but you will be
wasting all your energy on that been there done that...and to tell you
something else.....the internet..kills relationships
Jumpher: Yes, it does. I'll never meet another guy from online.....
If I ever trust another guy.
Name_Withheld_By_Request: i am really sorry to hear that...and
it really sucks to know that other women are going thru the same shit i
went thru
Jumpher: We might have met online, but we had a real relationship.
Hell, he even went to my Mother in laws with me for Christmas and helped
me buy gifts for the kids
Name_Withheld_By_Request: guys are assholes
Jumpher: Thank you. I'm learning. I really was blind.
That hurts the worst, knowing that I was the fool.
Name_Withheld_By_Request: i was the fool before
Jumpher: He did alot of things he didn't need to do....that's why I
thought it was for real.
Jumpher: I don't understand how men can do this to people
Jumpher: It's crazy. It really is.
Name_Withheld_By_Request: i learned one thing...guys can not
be left alone
Jumpher: Not him anyway.
Name_Withheld_By_Request: no guy
Jumpher: He even created the XXXXX nic so I couldn't find him online
Name_Withheld_By_Request: i just knew him under XXXX
Jumpher: His main profile is XXXXX....something I would know
Jumpher: Well, when you search, it comes up empty...gotta use the other
Name_Withheld_By_Request: whats your name
Jumpher: I would love to have 5 damn mins with him....just 5 I got
a LOT to say
Jumpher: Jumpher (Morrigan)
Name_Withheld_By_Request: Jumpher (Morrigan)....i have learned
alot in the past two years since my ex and i broke up
Jumpher: I'll bet
Jumpher: Hard lessons to learn
Name_Withheld_By_Request: asses like that will always be around
and my ex used to be so nice to those women and talk to them and sweet
talk them
Jumpher: That's what Balor does.
Name_Withheld_By_Request: my ex's gf thinks i am the biggest
bitch and she doesnt even knwo me
Name_Withheld_By_Request: they will find new people they can
lie to and who will feel sorry for him
Jumpher: He's running 3 now and he thinks a 4th....one has threatened
me
Jumpher: Yes, he has done that. And like I said, I'm the crazy
psycho because I want to know the truth and am not afraid to ask
Jumpher: Funny thing is, he knew I wasn't afraid to ask....I've done
it on two occassions before....he just thought I was too dumb to track
all the women
Name_Withheld_By_Request: its a game for him..dont become a player
in his game
Jumpher: Oh, I'm not playing. In fact, he's blocked from every
entry to me....couldn't talk to me if he tried
Jumpher: I'm sorry you had to learn the hard way too.
Name_Withheld_By_Request: i learned...trust me..and it hurt
Jumpher: It hurts. Yes. But not for the right reasons
Name_Withheld_By_Request: no it hurts because you got burned
again
Jumpher: I told him not to come here if he was lying, just stay there
and we'd be friends......but he had to come here. Hell, he's been
the only father my 4 year old ever had known
Jumpher: Yes, that is why.
Name_Withheld_By_Request: its sucks especially when kids are
involved
Jumpher: You have no idea how many times I've thanked God that I didn't
move them up there.
Jumpher: Thank you so much for talking to me. I appreciate it.
Name_Withheld_By_Request: he hurt you and you will not forget
that
Name_Withheld_By_Request: and ever since all that happened to
me..i have not been in another relationship..
Name_Withheld_By_Request: cause i just dont trust guys
Jumpher: My oldest is telling me a story about when the 4 of us (Balor
too) ran around the house with water guns squirting each other
Name_Withheld_By_Request: they are two faced
Name_Withheld_By_Request: its my pleasure talking to you...i
hate it that it happened to you
Jumpher: You need to though. But I know how you feel......I don't
know if I'll get over the mistrust. It was hard enough to trust Balor.
Too a long time
Jumpher: Thank you. To tell the truth, I hate it too.
Name_Withheld_By_Request: i have not found a guy i want around
my daughter
Jumpher: I can understand that. I won't be bringing one home
to meet my two for a long time into anything we decide to do.
Name_Withheld_By_Request: i never meet anybody with my daughter
Jumpher: He only chooses women with kids.....I'm beginning to wonder
why. Every woman I've talked to has had kids.
Jumpher: He doesn't even want kids.
Jumpher: Of his own I mean
Name_Withheld_By_Request: that is weird
Jumpher: Yes.....too weird
Jumpher: I left him here 2 days alone with my 4 year old because he
was sick and Balor offered to babysit
Name_Withheld_By_Request: he is a player...and the best thing
you can do is to stay far far away from him
Jumpher: I'm starting to worry.......once I would have said no way......but
the things I've found out; I wouldn't have believed 2 months ago
Jumpher: I'm 2500 miles and no way but snail mail or car can get him
near me.....
Name_Withheld_By_Request: good so
Jumpher: I hope you find someone nice. *S* You are a doll
for being honest with me.
Name_Withheld_By_Request: i have nothing to hide
Jumpher: I appreciate it more than you know.
Jumpher: *S* That is the only way to live.....like an open book
Name_Withheld_By_Request: he stopped talking to me all of the
sudden
Jumpher: about when do you remember?
Name_Withheld_By_Request: but i didnt think anything of it
Name_Withheld_By_Request: hmmm
Name_Withheld_By_Request: that must have been in jan or feb
Jumpher: The best I can make of it all it goes like this. He
had a fuck buddy in Dec, Jan. Feb he met 3 women....and lost the
fuck buddy, but picked up his best friends wife again
Name_Withheld_By_Request: shit what an ass
Jumpher: Jan he asked for another chance and planned on coming here
for March.....my bday was the 6th, but he found another woman
Name_Withheld_By_Request: like i said we didnt talk for very
long...good grief
Jumpher: And found out that the best friends wife found someone else...so
he decided to come here....best I can make of it
Name_Withheld_By_Request: he is a sick asshole
Jumpher: Wouldn't have pissed me off so bad if he'd had kept his ass
at home and stopped making promises he didn't mean
Jumpher: Yes he is sick.
Name_Withheld_By_Request: listen...nobody deserves to be with
somebody who cheats on them
Jumpher: You are right...that's the reason I told him to get lost
Name_Withheld_By_Request: oh my i am sorry
Name_Withheld_By_Request: what a dick
Name_Withheld_By_Request: dont waste any more time on him
Jumpher: *S* I only want the truth...hell hounds couldn't get
me to be in the same room with him..
Name_Withheld_By_Request: why are men such users
Jumpher: Well, after the 5 mins where I tell him what a shallow, small,
miserable little man he is and I hope he dies a slow painful death with
no one around
Jumpher: You are right. They are.
Name_Withheld_By_Request: he wont..he will find other suckers
who will believe his lies
Jumpher: I know. The 3 he's with right now do. They are buying
it to the hilt.
Jumpher: One knows the truth....and she's just looking for a way out.
Name_Withheld_By_Request: do they know of each other
Jumpher: I don't think so.
Name_Withheld_By_Request: maybe you should let them know lol
Jumpher: I tried.....but he's told them such lies about me......
Jumpher: Didn't work.
Name_Withheld_By_Request: oh my
Name_Withheld_By_Request: doesnt he live in _______ or so
Jumpher: _________
Name_Withheld_By_Request: the worst thing is..guys like him will
always find new victims
Jumpher: Yes, they will. But, he'll still always be miserable.
Jumpher: At least I can know that!!
Name_Withheld_By_Request: he will never be really happy
Jumpher: No, he won't. He never has been. But that is still
no reason to use people
Name_Withheld_By_Request: my ex will never be happy i know that
Jumpher: Why is it that they think that SOMEONE will make them happy?
Jumpher: I mean, after all the women, don't they think that they
would have found one
Name_Withheld_By_Request: nobody can thats why they move from
one to another
Jumpher: Right, but how dumb do they have to be before they realize
they will never find it?
Name_Withheld_By_Request: hey..its guys that are sweet talkers...
Jumpher: You are right.
Jumpher: STUPID sweet talkers
Name_Withheld_By_Request: and women love it when guys tell them
exactly what they want to hear
Jumpher: Yes, that was my downfall. Even though I told him that
he only told me what I wanted to hear
Jumpher: I stopped telling him lots of little things because I felt
he was storing them away.....and later, I'd hear them, just like I'd said
them.....back in my face.
Name_Withheld_By_Request: he burned you pretty good
Jumpher: I've been REALLY stupid. Yes, he has. He should
be proud of that......burned a 4 and 8 year old pretty bad too.
Jumpher: I don't remember where you are......I've talked with so many,
over the country...
Name_Withheld_By_Request: listen..all they worry about is themselves..as
bad as it sounds
Name_Withheld_By_Request: 50 miles south of _______
Jumpher: I thought you were in OR.
Name_Withheld_By_Request: that is in oregon
Name_Withheld_By_Request: sorry north of _______
Jumpher: *S* Yes, I was saying that's where I thought you were.
Jumpher: Well, watch out, he will be back.....soon as one falls through,
he'll be looking for old friends.
Name_Withheld_By_Request: well i am warned now lol but like i
said we never really talked all that much so i doubt if he writes to me
again
Jumpher: *LOL* Oh, you'll be surprised. One of the one's he's
with now, he dumbed when he found the first girl....back last August.
Then he picked her back up......when she told him she thought he wasnt
interested, he said, no, he just had some things to sort out and get over
before he was ready to start something new with someone.
Name_Withheld_By_Request: ASSHOLE
Jumpher: Yes, he's a bastard for sure.
Jumpher: And you know, until I heard it from the women, I would have
bet my life (well, I guess I did) that he wasn't capable of that.
Name_Withheld_By_Request: all you can do for yourself is to move
on
Jumpher: I am. Have a date tomorrow night.....
Jumpher: But, I don't think I'll get involved with anyone anytime soon.
Name_Withheld_By_Request: hey..just enjoy yourself and you dont
have to get involved with anybody
Jumpher: I'm not....don't want to. It will be a LONG time before
I trust anyone.....especially myself.
Jumpher: Ack....really? *sigh* I guess it can go both ways.
Name_Withheld_By_Request: yes it can
Name_Withheld_By_Request: i was played just as well as you have....my
ex was a master in games
Jumpher: So is Balor.....God, aren't most of them.
Jumpher: I've learned that any guy who doesn't want to answer a simple
question.....ditch him, he's hiding something
Name_Withheld_By_Request: masters in mind games
Jumpher: Yes. This is the second I've been with who does mind
games.
Name_Withheld_By_Request: i put myself into counseling and it
helped me big times
Jumpher: I told that ass once that he was a manipulator, but as long
as he wasn't trying to hurt me, like the last one did, I wouldn't leave...
Jumpher: You want to know the kicker? I've been working on my
Master's degree in Community Counseling for the last 2 years.
Name_Withheld_By_Request: guys are the masters of manipulation
Name_Withheld_By_Request: righton
Jumpher: Seems I'd have figured something out
Jumpher: He got really worried when I started that degree. Took
him a long time to settle into it and trust me with it. I always
wondered why....now I know
Name_Withheld_By_Request: counseling was the best iv done for
myself
Jumpher: That is GREAT! I'm going in once school is out.
I've got a little to sort out. That's part of the reason I'm working
on getting the facts......so I can sort it all out
Jumpher: I"ve got 5 on my messenger waiting for authorization....and
6 more I can add......*sigh* Everyone leads me to someone else just
about.
Name_Withheld_By_Request: holy cow....thats worse than a soap
Jumpher: Tell me about it. I kid you not when I say between firetalk,
Icq, yahoo and his email there are over 45 names....I've talked to better
than half, but I'm not sure how many are duplicates.
Name_Withheld_By_Request: shit
Jumpher: He jumped me for having a nick in yahoo, I got the messenger
when I got a yahoo addy.......he had a fit, hell, I never used it till
tonight
Name_Withheld_By_Request: they are hurt when you find out aobut
their games
Jumpher: Think I"m wrong for talking to everyone?
Name_Withheld_By_Request: well it will hurt you more i think
Jumpher: Yes, he never liked me to have anything to do with other men.
But he could screw half of Oregon, that was okay.
Jumpher: No, it's not hurting. It feels good to know I wasn't crazy
after all. He'd tell me that he wasn't seeing anyone, that he loved
me and only me.......I have felt for a while that he wasn't telling me
the truth. We even talked in depth about his inability to tell the
truth about stuff that there was no reason to lie about. He said
it was a habit he was working on breaking.
Name_Withheld_By_Request: he is a dick and wont change
Name_Withheld_By_Request: i have to go now but if you want we
can chat again
Jumpher: Well, I've held you up most of the night....I REALLY, REALLY
appreciate your talking to me. It has helped alot
Jumpher: *LOL*
Jumpher: Yes, I'd like that.
Name_Withheld_By_Request: cool
Jumpher: Good night
Name_Withheld_By_Request: good nite to youtoo..and have fun tomorrow
Jumpher: *S* I plan to!!!
Jumpher: Night
And I've Saved The Best For Last Me and Bev. Please notice the DATES, oddly enough they are the same.......Also pay attention to how many times you say you want to work things out and you love me
Jumpher 11/14/19 8:24 PM Okay. Then don't bother me about anything, if you aren't willing to come here and work on us because you know I can't go there, you are putting me out of your life. Don't decide 3 hours, 3 days or 3 weeks down the road you made a mistake. You are putting me out of your life as your right, and that means I have nothing else to do with you.
Balor 11/14/19 8:25 PM I am sorry...but I don't feel LA is the place for me.....I wish you could understand that. I want to be with you, just not there.
Jumpher 11/14/19 8:29 PM And I wish you could understand that I can't trust you to take my children 2500 miles away. You have never shown me an ounce of respect. I have always come last in your life just like I'm coming now. I am willing to move, but I can't do it until I know that you are man enough to stand up to what you say you want. If you care it's not that big a thing to ask. You are always so ready to give up instead of putting yourself out a bit, yet you keep running back. If you ever want to be with anyone, you have got to stop being so selfish. You can't have what you want 100% of the time your way, sometimes you just have weigh what you gain against the "winning of the game" and getting things 100% your way. Once I move to Oregon, I'm stuck there and if it doesn't work between us, there is no where else for me to go.
Jumpher 11/14/19 8:31 PM Anyway, Leesville is not Louisiana
Balor 11/14/19 8:31 PM I know that
Jumpher 11/14/19 8:32 PM The rest of the state isn't like that town. And I'm not asking you to stay.
Balor 11/14/19 8:32 PM I would rather you come here
Jumpher 11/14/19 8:37 PM Look, I kick my self everytime I have to say no. I cry everytime you ask. You don't know how much I want to...how much it means to me to try. I can visit, I can go back with you to visit......but Balor you have to think about the kids and what impact it will have on them if it doesn't work and we are alone 2500 miles from home with no way to get back. You know my Daddy, once I leave, untill I get back on my own.....he won't help me...no matter what. I have been down that road already when I was in Covington and had to move back. I only had one kid then, I can't do it. I'd have to move school semester by semester as I move across the states......I can't do that to them.
Balor 11/14/19 8:38 PM I know that, but I want you here.
Jumpher 11/14/19 8:40 PM Mama has said that she is willing to do anything to get me out of this depression that just seems to keep growing. If I'm not happy here, she is willing to lose money on the house and sell it or rent it if need be. That is taken care of. What I have to know is about us.
Balor 11/14/19 8:40 PM come and visit and we will see.....
Jumpher 11/14/19 8:41 PM You want me to come there
Balor 11/14/19 8:42 PM Yes, I do. I am off to see a movie....I'll be back in a few hours
Jumpher 11/14/19 8:43 PM School is out at the end of May. I get paid till the end of August with all my benifits. Try here until June, if we are stable and truely looking at a future, I will apply for teaching positions
Jumpher 11/14/19 9:53 PM I am currently guaranteeing hotel rates. Are you sure you want to see me?
Jumpher 11/14/19 9:55 PM Hello? and I thought you were at a movie
Balor 11/14/19 10:01 PM I decided not to go....they left 10 minutes after the movie started
Jumpher 11/14/19 10:03 PM Ahhh.
Should I confirm this reservation for the hotels or would you prefer
me to stay home? I have already put in for the plane ticket
and would prefer not to lose more money if it isn't needed.
Balor 11/14/19 10:04 PM no I want you to come...when do you plan on coming?
Jumpher 11/14/19 10:06 PM I was planning the 19 -
24 so I could be back to spend thanksgiving with the kids.......
But I feel like you didn't really mean you wanted to see me, this was
your idea
Balor 11/14/19 10:07 PM I know......why does everything have to be a fight with you?
Jumpher 11/14/19 10:07 PM Why do you see everything as a fight. I simply stated my feelings from your reaction.
Balor 11/14/19 10:08 PM I just thought it was odd you staying at a hotel
Jumpher 11/14/19 10:08 PM why odd?
Balor 11/14/19 10:08 PM why would you stay at a hotel?
Jumpher 11/14/19 10:08 PM Well, where else would I stay?
Balor 11/14/19 10:09 PM hmmm...it's not like I live in a cardboard box
Jumpher 11/14/19 10:09 PM I figured you would want your space.
Balor 11/14/19 10:10 PM no reason wasting money on a hotel
Jumpher 11/14/19 10:10 PM I also didn't figure your roommate would like it much
Balor 11/14/19 10:11 PM LOL....he won't care
Jumpher 11/14/19 10:11 PM I don't know. I'm not sure it's a good idea.
Balor 11/14/19 10:12 PM your choice
Jumpher 11/14/19 10:12 PM I'm just not sure if coming and jumping into bed with you will solve any of our problems.
Balor 11/14/19 10:13 PM true
Jumpher 11/14/19 10:14 PM I could sit at the bar and drop my feet in the hot tub..... Or spend all night afraid to brush against you for fear of fucking something up. And you know, we always sleep.......very oddly......with our feet touching.
Balor 11/14/19 10:15 PM really?
Jumpher 11/14/19 10:16 PM Yes, really. And if I move too far away from you at night, you will reach out and see if I'm still there. You don't move toward me, but lightly brush my arm or back and then roll over as if you are satisfied I'm still there.
Balor 11/14/19 10:16 PM hmmm...didn't know that, maybe I miss ya
Jumpher 11/14/19 10:17 PM *LOL* You know when I leave the bed for the morning, you steal my pillow and sleep on it? My big one.
Balor 11/14/19 10:17 PM i knew that
Jumpher 11/14/19 10:17 PM I thought you hated that pillow
Balor 11/14/19 10:18 PM lol
Jumpher 11/14/19 10:18 PM So why do you steal it?
Balor 11/14/19 10:18 PM beats me
Jumpher 11/14/19 10:19 PM *L*
You have a secret fettish for my pillow is the truth. You don't
like me, you like my bedding.
Balor 11/14/19 10:19 PM lol
Jumpher 11/14/19 10:19 PM it's true.
Anyway, you could always sit in the bar with me
Balor 11/14/19 10:41 PM don't go over $500
Jumpher 11/14/19 10:41 PM Don't want to see me that bad?
Balor 11/14/19 10:42 PM if it comes to that high make arrangements for later...non-holiday period or something . I know you don't have the money.
Jumpher 11/14/19 10:43 PM Don't have time during non
- holiday period and I'm not dragging this out any further. I hope
you understand that. I just can't mentally or physically take
anymore.
If I go over 400, I"m cutting into my savings/ie any moving money I
ever hope to have.
Balor 11/14/19 10:43 PM I understand
Balor 11/14/19 10:56 PM you'll be here on a weekend right?
Jumpher 11/14/19 10:57 PM The 19th is next Friday.......the 24th is the following Wed.
Balor 11/14/19 10:57 PM ahhh...ok
Jumpher 11/14/19 10:58 PM Is that okay?
Balor 11/14/19 10:58 PM that's fine
Jumpher 11/14/19 10:58 PM I can shorten it on the next bid
Balor 11/14/19 10:58 PM why?
Jumpher 11/14/19 10:59 PM It sounded like you didn't want me there that long
Balor 11/14/19 10:59 PM you never told me how long you'd be here
Jumpher 11/14/19 11:00 PM Yes I did.....19 - 24 is what I told you.
Balor 11/14/19 11:00 PM wow...that's like this week....shows ya how good I keep track of time
Jumpher 11/14/19 11:01 PM I just TOLD you that.
Balor 11/14/19 11:01 PM I am getting senile
Jumpher 11/14/19 11:02 PM You aren't paying attention
Balor 11/14/19 11:02 PM I am paying attention I just didn't realize what todays date was
Jumpher 11/14/19 11:03 PM do you still want me to come?
Balor 11/14/19 11:03 PM yeah
Jumpher 11/14/19 11:06 PM I am very insecure.
I am very frustrated. I am very scare. I am mostly more frightened
than I've ever been and I'm afraid. My hands shake and I have a headache.
And that is only about seeing you.
Just the thought of getting on an airplane makes me want to
throw up. And to know I'll have to change at least 3 times.
That is at least one panic attack and alot of tequila. I'm terrified.
Balor 11/14/19 11:07 PM why so many changes?
Jumpher 11/14/19 11:07 PM changes in what?
Balor 11/14/19 11:07 PM airplane
Jumpher 11/14/19 11:08 PM Just the way it is
Balor 11/14/19 11:09 PM what are the initials of the airport you'd be leaving from?
Jumpher 11/14/19 11:09 PM MLU going straight into _____
Balor 11/14/19 11:09 PM what is ______ initials?
Jumpher 11/14/19 11:10 PM got to look hold on
Balor 11/14/19 11:10 PM ok
Jumpher 11/14/19 11:10 PM no initials, just a name
Balor 11/14/19 11:10 PM ok....
Jumpher 11/14/19 11:13 PM It's ______
Balor 11/14/19 11:13 PM lol
Jumpher 11/14/19 11:13 PM Sometimes I'm dumb
Balor 11/14/19 11:14 PM naaa
Jumpher 11/14/19 11:14 PM yaaaaa
Balor 11/14/19 11:14 PM naaaa
Jumpher 11/14/19 11:15 PM you just don't know
Balor 11/14/19 11:15 PM LOL
Jumpher 11/14/19 11:16 PM What are the "normal" going prices for that flight?
Balor 11/14/19 11:16 PM I have no clue
Jumpher 11/14/19 11:16 PM Well, look. I'm doing research.
Balor 11/14/19 11:16 PM I am lookin damnit
Jumpher 11/14/19 11:17 PM *snap of the whip heard overhead" Faster I tell you
Balor 11/14/19 11:17 PM lol
Jumpher 11/15/19 6:43 AM I have a question....if you are not still wanting the chick, why is it you are contacting her so much trying to work it out?
Jumpher 11/15/19 6:49 AM Well, it was only one way......gotta find another 588.76 to come home. I don't know what to do
Jumpher 11/15/19 7:15 AM I just found a 378 flight. I can prolly get that.
Jumpher 11/15/19 7:17 AM nope, can't do that one...can't leave till the 30th
Balor 11/15/19 11:14 AM I haven't contacted her in a few days
Jumpher 11/15/19 4:25 PM Haven't contacted her in a few days.......I feel like I'm walking into a trap where I can't get out
Jumpher 11/15/19 4:26 PM I also just purchased my return ticket
Jumpher 11/15/19 4:32 PM Hello...
Balor 11/15/19 4:34 PM sorry...busy
Jumpher 11/15/19 4:35 PM I have purchased tickets and I am coming. But I'm not sure you are being honest with me. When you have time I want to talk to you.
Balor 11/15/19 4:36 PM I have a bit of time now
Jumpher 11/15/19 4:37 PM Okay. You tell me you haven't talked to your girl in several days. I hear different stories. I also hear that you are in love with her. I need to know how much of this is true before I come up there with my heart on my sleeve. I know well that you can't love two people at one time.
Balor 11/15/19 4:38 PM and what am I not being honest about?
Balor 11/15/19 4:38 PM and who do you hear this from?
Jumpher 11/15/19 4:38 PM I want to know about what I asked.
Balor 11/15/19 4:40 PM where did you get this "information"
Jumpher 11/15/19 4:42 PM Balor I am will to tell all. But first I need to know the answers. You now full well, I like cards on the table so I can know what to expect. I've spent alot of money and gotten into enough hot water to give this one last shot....I need to know where things stand. I want a straight answer
Balor 11/15/19 4:44 PM I haven't talked to her in a few days....and there were feelings at one point
Jumpher 11/15/19 4:44 PM what I hear is that you are still contacting her. Telling her you love her and would do anything for another try.
Balor 11/15/19 4:45 PM I see
Jumpher 11/15/19 4:45 PM I see is not an answer to the question.
Balor 11/15/19 4:47 PM I answered the questions...I was trying to be friends with her
Jumpher 11/15/19 4:47 PM by telling her you love her and would give or do anything to get another chance?
Balor 11/15/19 4:48 PM you know what...stay there....I am not going to get the third degree from anyone...you and her can have your conversation....leave me out of it
Jumpher 11/15/19 4:49 PM I am trying to find out where I stand. I'm not giving you the third degree.
Balor 11/15/19 4:50 PM well this 20 questions thing isn't going over well
Jumpher 11/15/19 4:52 PM I don't know how to ask you anything to get a straight answer from you. I do not want to come up there and think I'm walking into one thing and find out it is something totally different. It is important enough for me to find out that I have spent the only savings I have, pissed my mother off and I'm leaving my children on a holiday break. You do not tell me the whole truth, you water it down so I'm left beliving you because I care or finding out and risk you feeling like I'm beating you up. I have alot on the line here and I need the TRUE facts.
Balor 11/15/19 4:53 PM You can believe what she has to say or what I do
Jumpher 11/15/19 4:54 PM II am not tell you that I believe her over you. I'm asking you to explain. Wouldn't you deserve that if it were the other way around?
Balor 11/15/19 4:54 PM I explained.....
Jumpher 11/15/19 4:55 PM She Wrote: he tells me that he loves me, and that he would do or give anything if I give him another chance. I do not exaggerate when I say I get 20 messages a day from him. I am so tired. I just want him to go away. I am glad that you care for him. I am not saying that he is a bad person. I am saying only that he is not the one for me, and he will not accept this.
Balor 11/15/19 4:55 PM I really don't give a shit what she says
Balor 11/15/19 4:57 PM and I really don't appreciate you going around behind my back snooping
Jumpher 11/15/19 4:58 PM I don't want to argue. All I've ever wanted from you was the truth. I don't know why she would want to play head games with me.
I know you don't, but if you told me the whole truth about things, I wouldn't have to. I only do it when it is important. I told you with the whole Kim and Crystal thing, I will know the truth, even if you don't supply it. You are angry because now I know.
Jumpher 11/15/19 5:03 PM I know you don't appreciate it. If you didn't tell me half truths and bend the truth, then I wouldn't have to look to find out the answers. I only do it when it is important for me to know the truth from what I want to hear.
Balor 11/15/19 5:03 PM I am really pissed right now
Jumpher 11/15/19 5:05 PM I know that, and I am very sorry for it. You are more angry that I know something you didn't want me to know than you are about me doing it. I told you that I was looking for the truth and that I've talked to alot of people. Hell, if I wasn't willing to accept you explaination, I would have asked her to foward the histories .... dates and all.
Balor 11/15/19 5:08 PM she has fucked with my life enough and now she is doing more....just grand
Jumpher 11/15/19 5:10 PM If I were beliving in her 100%, I wouldn't just have spent 700 dollars on a return ticket. I would have just let you think I was coming and then never show up.....write off the 630 and forget about the whole damn thing. I simply am trying to figure out where I stand in all this. Do you really care about me or am I something safe to run to. Are you doing this because you want to make her jealous or because you don't wish to see me with another man? So many things I've got hanging on the line and if you can't understand that......then I don't know what to tell you.
Balor 11/15/19 5:12 PM I did love
her but shit happened...would rather not explain it all....
our relationship has changed since I left....you may not like
me like you used to......but there is only one way to find out, that is
why I want you to come
Jumpher 11/15/19 5:16 PM I am aware our relationship
has changed, I have morned every stich in it that has come out....trust
me, no one is more aware than I. Why do you think I've taken my saving
and am spending it to come out there?
I'm just trying to figure out if this is the big kiss off where you
will put me on a plane leaving me to believe everything is fine like you
did Kim or if you can look at me and say, see I told you it wouldn't work
as you drop me at the airport or if this is the I really do care but I
have to see if it's there in my heart or there in my head.
Balor 11/15/19 5:22 PM I don't know how things will work out when you get here....but we will know 1 of 2 things will it work or is it over
Jumpher 11/15/19 5:23 PM I've taken the loan......so regardless, I will be there Friday. If you don't choose to meet me at the airport, then I will rent a car, call a cab, walk, or whatever to a hotel, watch movies and go home on Wed. I've let you find your own way through it all and I'll let you find your way through this as well. And yes, I agree it will either be over or not. I'm just trying to figure out if you've already made up your mind or not, I don't want to waste my time.
Balor 11/15/19 5:24 PM yes my mind is made up...I want to see you but I'm mad now
Jumpher 11/15/19 5:26 PM You once accused me of checking up on you.....going through your wallet, you clothes, your things...I never found out anything on purpose because I didn't want to know ....did you ever notice when I stopped washing your clothes? When I stopped asking about the oddities in your stories? I didn't want to know anymore about the lies and the half truths.....but this time it is different....
It's my life and I'm not playing games.
Balor 11/15/19 5:27 PM yeah I realize that
In the 3 days in between we fought about Heather. BTW, Goner is what I renamed Balor.
Balor 11/18/19 2:36 AM will you be coming to Oregon on Friday?
Jumpher 11/18/19 6:44 AM I don't much have a choice. I've really gotten in some hot watter here and need to get out for a while anyway. I have tickets that I can't alter flight plans on. I'm tired of the arguing so if you choose not to see me I won't try to track you down.
Balor 11/18/19 9:35 AM 1135 right? I want to see you
Balor 11/18/19 10:40 AM you there?
Jumpher 11/18/19 3:12 PM You know I'm at work at 10:45
Balor 11/18/19 3:13 PM sorry
Balor 11/18/19 3:14 PM would you stop talking to heather
Jumpher 11/18/19 3:14 PM I have. Why do you ask that?
Balor 11/18/19 3:15 PM because she keeps harassing me and I am gonna do something I don't wanna do if she keeps it up you will be landing at 1135pm?
Jumpher 11/18/19 3:16 PM Well, I couldn't imagine what I have told her she would be able to use to harass you since I've only asked that one thing. But I'm not talking to her anymore, deleted her from my ICQ list as a matter of fact.
Yes.
Balor 11/18/19 3:17 PM ok
Balor 11/18/19 3:18 PM I'll be there to pick ya up one way or another
Jumpher 11/18/19 3:19 PM umm. ok. I'm booking some of my stay at the Hilton.
Balor 11/18/19 3:20 PM no you aren't
Jumpher 11/18/19 3:20 PM huh?
Balor 11/18/19 3:20 PM just what I said
Jumpher 11/18/19 3:20 PM yes I am
Balor 11/18/19 3:20 PM no you aren't
Jumpher 11/18/19 3:21 PM I don't have time to argue. I've got alot of work to do in a very short time.
Balor 11/18/19 3:21 PM you'll be staying at my place
Jumpher 11/18/19 3:22 PM and why is that?
Balor 11/18/19 3:23 PM because we are gonna resolve this...good or bad and we can't do that if you stay elsewhere
Jumpher 11/18/19 3:23 PM I see.
Balor 11/18/19 3:24 PM that's my line
Jumpher 11/18/19 3:24 PM Yes, but you rarely see
Jumpher 11/18/19 3:27 PM I have a tendency to be waspish today. I am very sick and not much for conversation.
Balor 11/18/19 3:33 PM ok
Jumpher 11/18/19 3:34 PM who decided this?
Balor 11/18/19 3:40 PM me
Jumpher 11/18/19 3:41 PM hmmm
Balor 11/18/19 3:43 PM what?
Jumpher 11/18/19 3:43 PM nothing
Balor 11/18/19 3:44 PM why?
Jumpher 11/18/19 3:44 PM I just found it odd that you changed your mind.
Balor 11/18/19 3:45 PM like I said I can't promise anything...but we will see
Jumpher 11/18/19 3:46 PM I didn't realize there was a promise before from either of us
Balor 11/18/19 3:47 PM ok...
Jumpher 11/18/19 3:47 PM Not sure I understand the okay return *L*
Balor 11/18/19 3:48 PM just being
specific...
had to add Heather to my Ignore list.....she wouldn't leave me alone
Jumpher 11/18/19 3:49 PM and why the sudden turn around with her?
Balor 11/18/19 3:49 PM what sudden turn around?
Jumpher 11/18/19 3:50 PM Her bothering you.
Balor 11/18/19 3:51 PM beats me....she has sent me a bunch of messages today
Jumpher 11/18/19 3:52 PM humm. Should I ask about what?
Balor 11/18/19 3:54 PM just being a bitch...
Jumpher 11/18/19 3:55 PM ok
Balor 11/18/19 3:56 PM it was just bullshit.... so hat ya busy doing?
Jumpher 11/18/19 3:57 PM Home work and trying to find directions to DFW
Balor 11/18/19 3:59 PM ahhh...how long of a drive?
Jumpher 11/18/19 4:00 PM 5.5 - 6 hours. I've been to the airport once in junior high, it's a city all by it'self....I have no idea how to get there, where to park or how to find the terminal. There are places to park in 3 surrounding cities...don't know which one.....I think Grapevine is the closest.
Balor 11/18/19 4:02 PM ok....drive safe getting there
Jumpher 11/18/19 4:02 PM No, I want to drive reckless. Get amnesia and never return home.
Balor 11/18/19 4:03 PM LOL
This After I Got Back ~ (Keep in mind that he met Beverly the night I landed and called her the day I left, they were sleeping together that night and he was making out with her the first night, but had me curled in his bed several hours later.)
Jumpher 11/24/19 11:45 AM I said I wasn't going to do this. But I have to know. I know now you aren't who I thought you were. The person who wrote those letters isn't someone I've ever known......so I want to ask this question, to that person who will understand why I'm asking. Why me? You never loved me....so why did you let it go so far?
Balor 11/24/19 11:51 AM because I love you .... I did love you at one point, still do
And I really appreciate you letting me explaining things
Jumpher 11/24/19 11:51 AM explain what?
Balor 11/24/19 11:52 AM all the shit you read and then just bolted
Jumpher 11/24/19 11:54 AM I don't know who you are.
What were you going to explain? You and Paula
fooling around, you and this child, you have all these others
you are just trying to get to meet. You love them all.
I never ever saw a side of you that felt like that about anything or anyone.
Jumpher 11/24/19 11:56 AM Do you have any idea how stupid, dirty and scared I felt?
Balor 11/24/19 11:58 AM LOL...this is
really too funny ya know
I was seeing stephanie months and months ago...and the letter you percieved
as going to Paula was not to her...I had written her another letter and
then erased it and wrote a letter to stphanie.....just forgot to
change the name
Jumpher 11/24/19 12:01 PM No Balor, that isn't it at all. You mentioned Stephanie in the letter. Nevermind. If I've learned one thing it's that you can't tell me the truth. You need help, you need couseling. I could have loved the person I saw even the one in the letters......but I don't think he exists either. I know what I read. I don't know why you picked me to play games with, I guess because I was easy, I needed someone. I regret only ever meeting you, do not bother me again, I won't bother you. Stay out of my life.
Balor 11/24/19 12:02 PM then quit fuckin messaging me
Balor 11/24/19 12:05 PM don't contact anyone I know either....I don't want to hear about you from anyone
Jumpher 11/24/19 12:08 PM I will do as I wish.
I do not want to know anything about you. I do not know who you are
except that you are a lier, a cheat and a host of other things I never
thought I would think about the person I thought I knew.
You have no feelings except those of your own. You do not know
how to care about anyone. Trust me, I do not want anything to do with you.
Balor 11/24/19 12:09 PM good...bought time you got the hint
Jumpher 11/24/19 12:11 PM Yes, I got it. Go play games with your children and your best friend's wife. You will end up alone and as unhappy as you are at this moment. I feel sorry for you and I am glad I never got to know who the real ugly person inside really is.
Balor 11/24/19 12:15 PM and do you really think that if I was seeing Paula I would have had her meet the girlfriends I have had?
Jumpher 11/24/19 12:16 PM How can I be hurt from someone I don't even know? You can't hurt me. I don't know you.
Balor 11/24/19 3:58 PM run away....that's what you have been doing best lately
Jumpher 11/24/19 4:00 PM FUCK YOU I stood through
it all, I took it like a fucking idiot and came back for more
You blew it, I just walked away. Now leave me alone
Balor 11/29/19 4:13 PM and for your info I only slept with 2 women while we weren't together
Jumpher 11/29/19 4:18 PM I don't give a damn how many women you slept with, we have only been offically apart less than 10 days. After that you swore to me you weren't sleeping with anyone and I just needed to be patient and that you wanted to be with me because you loved me. Anyway, I know what I saw, I know what I read and I know what it meant. YOU choose to give us up, stop acting like it was me. You let me believe we had something we didn't and for that I'll never trust you again. I want nothing to do with you.
Balor 11/29/19 4:20 PM HEY I was trying to see how things would go...and you are the one that went snooping and then bailed
Jumpher 11/29/19 5:52 PM Yes, I snooped, I was going to move my children for God sake! I had already told my parents I was moving, all I had to do was do it. You had already given up on us long before I ever got there, you din't want me there and Ihave no idea why it is you let me come, you didn't love me.
Jumpher 11/29/19 5:52 PM and you don't give a damn about me now. I do not want to fall into this hole again with you.....my heart still cares too much, I bailed because I FINALLY realized it diddn't matter what I did or how I proved it, you would never believe I loved you, and you'd never love me.
Balor 11/29/19 5:56 PM Yeah it did
matter....otherwise I wouldn't have showed up at the airport
I told you alot had happened since I left LA and I was just taking
it a day at a time but you decided you needed to dig in my computer and
read things that no one has ever read but me. I am surprised you didn't
find the stuff to you. And then you bailed ....didn't wait to find out
anything just left.
Jumpher 11/29/19 6:03 PM There wasn't anything to me, I looked. And yes, I bailed. I told you, I finally realized I didn't matter to you. I was easliy replaced. You are still fooling around with Paula. The others, you told them you hadn't felt that way about anyone since before your divorce.....the divorce...
Jumpher 11/29/19 6:03 PM .that was one of the best times we've ever experienced was during that time, that was when I thought we had finally gotten it all together. And just exactly what were you going to explain? How much you didn't love me? I couldn't take it Balor.
Balor 11/29/19 6:06 PM I am not
fooling around with Paula....jesus christ
As for the others I was looking for something and I thought I
had found it but I didn't, I do love you
Jumpher 11/29/19 6:07 PM You are fooling around with Paula. I saw it. I saw where you two were talking about it. And you told them that you had found it with them. Just like you told me you had found it with me. What am I supposed to think when it's right there in black and white......how are you going to explain that to me?
Balor 11/29/19 6:10 PM well I was lonely.....
Jumpher 11/29/19 6:11 PM So the fuck was I. Here I am thinking that I mean something to you, you are telling me I do and you are out looking for my replacement as quickly as you can. YOu are sitting there every night telling me you weren't out doing exactly what you were doing. You knew I wouldn't have stayed through that.
Balor 11/29/19 6:13 PM Like you weren't dating anyone
Jumpher 11/29/19 6:15 PM I wasn't dating anyone. I went out with a guy once or twice, both times I told you. I saw another one once only AFTER you started ignoring me and not giving me the time of day for ONE dinner, hell, he's always been a friend, it wasn't like that. I even sent you an email and explained all that, that most of that was just online chat.....I wanted only one relationship.....
Balor 11/29/19 6:16 PM well you opted to leave
Jumpher 11/29/19 6:17 PM I didn't have a choice. You left me no choice. I wanted to stay, I came there because I wanted forever. God, you have no idea how much I loved you, how much I believed in you.
Balor 11/29/19 6:19 PM it was your choice to leave instead of staying and discussing it
Jumpher 11/29/19 6:21 PM Discussing what? How you had been lying to me? How you and Paula aren't fooling around? How you really want to be with me? That you weren't really fucking Paula?
Balor 11/29/19 6:22 PM I am only gonna say this once more...I am not fooling around with Paula
Jumpher 11/29/19 6:23 PM Balor, I saw where you two were discussing it.
Balor 11/29/19 6:24 PM fine
Jumpher 11/29/19 6:25 PM Look, this is pointless. We are finished if we ever where. If you are fooling with Paula that is between the 3 of you. I know what I saw, I know what I read. If it had not been for that, I would have stayed, I would have listened, but I'm not going to battle her for the rest of my life
Balor 11/29/19 6:28 PM battle her?
Jumpher 11/29/19 6:29 PM If she could have killed me when I stepped off that plane, she would have. I wasn't going to stay there and let you convience me that the others didn't matter when I would still have to deal with her everyday I lived there.
Balor 11/29/19 6:31 PM she would not have.....
Jumpher 11/29/19 6:32 PM Why am I discussing this? It doesn't matter anymore. She is your business.
Balor 11/29/19 6:33 PM whatever...I am not foolin around with her...you left without waiting or asking for an explanation...that was your choice
Jumpher 11/29/19 6:35 PM Yes, it was. As I said, I finally realized you didn't love me, wasn't anything I could do about that.
Balor 11/29/19 6:38 PM what was I supposed to do when you left? come track you down?
Balor 11/29/19 6:39 PM I couldn't have left here....even if you had wanted me to stop you from flying out
Jumpher 11/29/19 6:41 PM If you had wanted me, if you had wanted it to work out....yes. How many times did I track you when you left me? Priorities I guess.....I didn't expect you too, not even when I had to spend the night in Portland. I knew you were glad I was gone
Balor 11/29/19 6:42 PM how was I supposed to get to Portland?
Jumpher 11/29/19 6:43 PM Like you would have if you could......you didn't want to stop me.
Balor 11/29/19 6:43 PM you didn't give me a chance too
Jumpher 11/29/19 6:45 PM I sat in the airport
for 4 hours trying to decide what to do. I shot tequila till she
cut me off. The guy changed my flight for me just to get me to stop
crying.
I left, like you wanted...why you asked me to come to begin with
is beyond me.
Balor 11/29/19 6:47 PM well you didn't bother to tell me shit
Jumpher 11/29/19 6:48 PM It didn't matter to you. Doesn't matter now, so why am I discussing it?
Balor 11/29/19 6:49 PM it does matter....but you should have called me
Jumpher 11/29/19 6:50 PM What difference would it have made?
Balor 11/29/19 6:50 PM well I would have tried to talk you out of leaving
Jumpher 11/29/19 6:51 PM Why, you didn't want me there. You had made up yur mind along time before about us, you just never told me about it. Things are the way you wanted them now. I'm the only one unhappy about any of it.
Balor 11/29/19 6:52 PM if that's what you believe fine...go to Allen and live happily ever after
Jumpher 11/29/19 6:53 PM What the fuck does it matter to you?
Balor 11/29/19 6:53 PM it doesn't...you made that choice for us by leaving
Jumpher 11/29/19 6:54 PM You made it long before that. All I did was what you wanted me to do ..... leave.
Balor 11/29/19 6:56 PM I wanted to see how things would go...and things were going well I think...
Jumpher 11/29/19 6:58 PM I thought they were going well too. I was ready to talk about later....I was ready to make a move even if I wasn't happy about the place. I had checked into several things while I was there.......
Balor 11/29/19 6:59 PM but you couldn't stay you had to bail
Jumpher 11/29/19 7:01 PM Because you didn't love me anymore and you had stopped believing in us. You have no idea how I felt.....Ryan asked and for the first time in my life, I had no words to explain all I could say was I believed...... you have no idea
Balor 11/29/19 7:01 PM you gave me no idea
Jumpher 11/29/19 7:02 PM I want to say how it felt to know that suddenly I wasn't the most important thing in your life anymore. I want to say how it felt when I knew you had held someone else in my place when I so esperatly wanted to be there myself, I want to say that you took something that was cherished in my heart and made it cheap and dirty.
Jumpher 11/29/19 7:04 PM You still don't.
I spent 20mins in the bathroom throwing my guts up and it was
4 days before I could keep anything down.
Yes, I bailed because for the fist time in my life, I wanted
to die and there was no way I was ever going to let you see me that way,
no way you would ever know what it is you meant to me.
Balor 11/29/19 7:05 PM use what?
I told you we had both changed and I wanted to see if things would
work out.....do you really think I would have taken you to meet my mom
if I was just tolerating your presence?
Balor 11/29/19 7:05 PM I know what I meant to you but you didn't give it a chance
Jumpher 11/29/19 7:08 PM I gave it a chance. You have never been in that situation, you don't know what it felt like or how much I would have given to never have known. I don't know if you would have taken me to meet her or not. I just know that I desperatly wanted to love you, that I wanted it all back and I wanted you to want it as badly as I did.
Balor 11/29/19 7:10 PM I did want it but you were trying to rush everything......
Jumpher 11/29/19 7:13 PM I wanted someone on my side. There wasn't a person I met except maybe your sister who didn't think I was nuts for having half of what I believed in in my head. I wasn't rushing, I was trying to stay above water. I felt like it was working out but I was afraid only I thought that. Hell, everyone I met thought I was some unimportant thing in your life, not someone whom you had discussed spending the rest of your life with, but some fuck thing you used for 3 years.
Balor 11/29/19 7:13 PM it was working out just fine and you never were just a fuck thing
Jumpher 11/29/19 7:16 PM I got scared
Balor 11/29/19 7:19 PM so here we are 4 steps back from where we were
Balor 11/29/19 7:22 PM and now your seeing Allen seriously guess that's that
Jumpher 11/29/19 7:23 PM What is it you want Balor? Allen is not part of this
Balor 11/29/19 7:24 PM what I wanted is you not leaving but you did....you went running back to LA and begged Allen for another chance....
Jumpher 11/29/19 7:26 PM Allen had heard what had happened before I ever got home. Had he not worked he would have been at the airport in Dallas. I didnt have to really ask for another chance, he was just here. He knows where he stands at this moment and he knows he's the one thinking of the things he is thinking.....he is just waiting, I'm just trying to make it through the day
Balor 11/29/19 7:27 PM well what is it you want?
Jumpher 11/29/19 7:28 PM I want for none of this to have ever happened. I want to be blisfully depressed as I was before, I want to still believe you love me and I want to stop feeling like I've died.
Balor 11/29/19 7:29 PM what else
do you want?
you need to come up with the answers....All I did was go to work...
Jumpher 11/29/19 7:31 PM I don't have any answers. You are the one who lied to me, who stopped caring, not me.
Balor 11/29/19 7:32 PM I didn't stop caring.....you ran out on us this time by fleeing the place like a crime scene......not bothering to try and work things out
Jumpher 11/29/19 7:34 PM Not once in all the time we've been together have I ever doubted, not once. I didn't know what else to do. You kept telling me I had the wrong idea when I knew good and damn well I didn't, you started lying before I ever even asked.
Balor 11/29/19 7:39 PM and I suppose I am lying now
Jumpher 11/29/19 7:40 PM Is that what I said?
Balor 11/29/19 7:42 PM no but you are implying it
Jumpher 11/29/19 7:45 PM No, I did not. When I logged on Jumpher to your computer.....I already knew most of what was there. I hadn't found the letters yet, but I knew about Stephanie, seen her pic and read about Paula and Heather. I was mostly through the histories.
Jumpher 11/29/19 7:45 PM I asked what were they doing logged onto your comp, and you started then trying to tell me what I already knew was true wasn't.
If I thought you were lying now, I wouldn't be here talking to you., but I don't think you've told me the whole truth either.
Balor 11/29/19 7:46 PM I told you that they had used my computer
Jumpher 11/29/19 7:46 PM and then you told me it was not what I thought, they were just friends .....
Balor 11/29/19 7:48 PM Stephanie is just a friend....and Heather is no friend of mine
Jumpher 11/29/19 7:49 PM I don't think you want
to argue this Balor. You know damn well if the shoe were on the other foot
what you would believe.
Tell me what it is you want.
And Heather was not on ignore, or invisible, she was on visible, and
there were no messages from her harrassing you, the only ones there were
the ones where you messaged her and she asked you to leave her alone.
Balor 11/29/19 7:51 PM what do you mean what I want...you are the one who left......
Jumpher 11/29/19 7:57 PM If you are asking me after all this, do I still believe, the answer is yes, I do. I have tried not too, but I can't help it. I don't want to, but I do. What am I going to do about it......I don't know what can be done about it. Would you care to discuss it?
Balor 11/29/19 7:58 PM yes I would,
I believe too, but for now I must go home...I'll be online after a bit
Jumpher 11/29/19 9:47 PM I've got to change that breaking glass sound, scares the fuck out of me
Balor 11/29/19 9:48 PM LOL....brb
Jumpher 11/29/19 9:48 PM k
Balor 11/29/19 9:57 PM back
Jumpher 11/29/19 9:58 PM ok
Jumpher 11/29/19 9:58 PM YOU are the one who lied and cheated. I came and gave it everything I had. Yes, I snooped but only because I had to know the truth. I was going to move for God's sake. You didn't give a damn about me, don't know if you ever did and I know you don't now. You just go on with those phone conversations you've had and fucking around with Paula. I will do my thing.
Jumpher 11/29/19 9:58 PM Well, you are back on my list.
Balor 11/29/19 10:00 PM what is with that message?
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:00 PM what message?
Balor 11/29/19 10:00 PM trying to forward it to you
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:00 PM ok
Balor 11/29/19 10:01 PM had to email it
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:01 PM What is it?
Balor 11/29/19 10:02 PM some message...looked like it belonged in the conversation much earlier today
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:02 PM It did.
Balor 11/29/19 10:02 PM ok
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:03 PM Is that the reason you are talking to me?
Balor 11/29/19 10:03 PM what reason?
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:03 PM The fucked up test today
Balor 11/29/19 10:03 PM no...that's not the reason
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:04 PM Then tell me why...please
Balor 11/29/19 10:04 PM because I was trying to get things straight, and I care
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:05 PM what things?
Balor 11/29/19 10:06 PM just everything
that happened....
I know that you have managed to get yourself into a relationship now
and there is no helping that
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:06 PM I know that you have managed
to get yourself into a relationship now and there is no helping that
What does this mean?
Balor 11/29/19 10:07 PM you are seeing Allen now right?
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:07 PM No, I asked him to stay home. Told him I needed to think about a few things.
Balor 11/29/19 10:07 PM I know you asked him to stay home
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:08 PM How do you know that?
Balor 11/29/19 10:08 PM I just know
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:08 PM HOW?
Balor 11/29/19 10:09 PM you don't tell me how you find out stuff....
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:09 PM What do you mean, I didn't tell you how I find out stuff?
Balor 11/29/19 10:10 PM well you always mention stuff you know...and never tell how you found out
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:12 PM I talk to people. I ask questions, I listen to your answers and comments and what you don't say and I listen to that voice in my head. Most of what I know is intuition....when it's hard copy, I tell you otherwise I ask. You have always assumed I was accusing, I wasn't, just confirming. You have a very certain body language when you are not telling the truth, ask your Mom if you don't believe me. Now, how did you know?
Balor 11/29/19 10:12 PM you told me
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:13 PM I did not tell you till just now, how did you know already?
Balor 11/29/19 10:13 PM like I said you told me...what does it matter how I found out anyhow...truth of it is he's prolly been there every night since you got back
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:15 PM Allen isn't part of our
conversation. What does Allen have to do with anything anyway?
And I told you how I know things, how did you know?
Balor 11/29/19 10:16 PM I told you....you
told me earlier today....not on purpose I'm sure
do you want to work things out or not?
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:16 PM are you getting messages from me again?
Balor 11/29/19 10:16 PM when am I not?
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:17 PM I had it fixed. It was a problem with my chip......damn, I'll have to see about fixing it again
Balor 11/29/19 10:18 PM I already told you what the problem is....but you decide not to listen too me because you don't want too
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:18 PM what is the problem?
Balor 11/29/19 10:18 PM the problem is Corel
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:19 PM No seems to be a problem between Cyrex (IBM) and ICQ. I'll call the guy who fixed it the first time and ask him to come look again. Sorry, I really thought it was fixed.
Balor 11/29/19 10:19 PM the guy you are talking to is a moron
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:20 PM *L* Okay.
Balor 11/29/19 10:20 PM I deal with this shit constantly
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:21 PM Well, I'm about to give the kids back their comp and I'll take corel off so it won't happen again. Okay, either way, the problem is fixed.
Balor 11/29/19 10:21 PM feel like I am snooping now?
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:22 PM why do you ask that?
Balor 11/29/19 10:22 PM cause you seem upset that I am getting your messages
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:24 PM No. You know damn
well I have no secrets except maybe from myself. It seemed to bother
you, not me.
Balor, you have always known my life is an open book. I only
speak truths and I try my damnest to be honest even when it's not the best
idea. Please don't start trying to "catch" me doing something, there
is nothing to catch.
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:24 PM And this test, hell, you know I"m not sane.
Balor 11/29/19 10:25 PM LOL...I took it and got 80% insane
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:26 PM Did you listen to what I said? I'll give you access to my computers anytime you want them. I've given you access to my life, no locks on any doors...you should know that by now.
Balor 11/29/19 10:26 PM the question is what do you want to do now?
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:27 PM I don't know. I don't know if you are going to go back to lying to me or not. I am not sure if I know who you are or not.
Balor 11/29/19 10:27 PM the choice is yours, but I want you
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:28 PM What are you willing to do? What is it you ultimatly want?
Balor 11/29/19 10:28 PM I wanted to see how things were gonna work out....
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:29 PM That is past tense. What do you want now.
Balor 11/29/19 10:29 PM I don't know what I want now....you gonna go running off anytime something doesn't go exactly to plan?
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:30 PM That is not a fair question and you know it. How much shit have I taken and never flinched?
Balor 11/29/19 10:30 PM I know that....but it just stands to reason......
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:32 PM Damn it, you are constantly telling me that you can't be judged by your past. The mess we are in at this moment is straight from your past.....if you can't be judged by it, damn it, neither can I. I have stood by you when you doubted me, when you doubted us and when you wanted to leave I let you go. I stood by when you couldn't decide between me and Kim or Crystal or the chick in New Orleans. I stood by when you left me after you promised you wouldn't and I'm here now.....what more do I have to do?
Balor 11/29/19 10:33 PM ok how about we just forget the past and start over?
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:34 PM How much of that are you going to hold to?
Balor 11/29/19 10:34 PM how much of what?
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:36 PM Skip that. We both have problems. I didn't realize how depressed I was till I started getting better. Obviously, I've got somethings to deal with. I can't necessarily help you with yours, but I can be there for you. I am all I have to offer you, but I cant if you can't be there for me. If you aren't willing to stop shutting me out then we can't go anywhere
Balor 11/29/19 10:37 PM so you wanna take some time and figure yourself out?
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:37 PM Is that what I said?
Balor 11/29/19 10:37 PM I'm not sure
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:38 PM No, that is not what I want to do. I'm working on it now. I'm going to start counseling.
Balor 11/29/19 10:39 PM ok...
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:39 PM I want to know why it is that you can't seem to tell me the truth. I'm not accusing, but I need to know.
Balor 11/29/19 10:40 PM I just think there are somethings that you don't need to know....
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:40 PM like what?
Balor 11/29/19 10:41 PM things that have nothing to do with you and I
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:42 PM those things had to do with
you and I
And if I'm going to be a part of your life, there isn't anything that
doesn't have to do with you and I.
Balor 11/29/19 10:42 PM same goes for Allen...or is that another story?
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:47 PM Do you think that if I had a relationship with someone, you don't have a right to know about it? And I've told you everything there is to know about Allen. We are friends, he wants more, I want something else, he's known that the whole time.
Balor 11/29/19 10:48 PM it really doesn't pertain to me
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:48 PM So I could go out and screw half of La and it would have nothing to do with you?
Balor 11/29/19 10:49 PM if we were dating it would otherwise no it wouldn't
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:50 PM Exactly. So I had a right to know. You know damn well what I thought about us. And you also know that I asked more than once and you plain lied. If she was who you wanted to be with, why didn't you just get rid of me? It wouldn't have been that difficult to do.
Balor 11/29/19 10:51 PM we weren't seeing each other
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:52 PM Correction, we hadn't seen each other. You know damn well that I thought different. Maybe not with Heather, but you know with Stephanie I did and you also knew that everytime we've said we are going to work on it I wasn't seeing anyone and I expected the same out of you. Hell, I've even asked you straight out and you lied about it. I also did when you were handing your phone number out all over the net begging people to call.
Balor 11/29/19 10:52 PM I also did when
you were handing your phone number out all over the net begging people
to call.
what is that supposed to mean?
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:53 PM Exactly what it said. You must have 5 or 6 people on that list you are talking to on the phone or have talked to and didn't call when you asked etc.
Balor 11/29/19 10:54 PM so I am not allowed to converse with anyone via telephone?
Balor 11/29/19 10:54 PM and here you go bringing up the past
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:54 PM And what would you say if I were on the phone with Allen?
Balor 11/29/19 10:55 PM well since you prolly are there isn't much I could say anyhow
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:57 PM Look something you don't understand that I think you once did. I don't share. Not in any way shape or form. I believe cybersex is cheating, I believe that conversations too deep and about certain subjects is cheating, I will even on occassion if it matters enough to me consider conversations with the opposite sex about fights we've had cheating if you tell them things you won't tell me.
Balor 11/29/19 10:58 PM ok
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:58 PM Do you agree with that?
Balor 11/29/19 10:59 PM yes
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:58 PM call me
Balor 11/29/19 10:59 PM who are you talkin to?
Jumpher 11/29/19 10:59 PM u
Balor 11/29/19 10:59 PM this gonna be some sort of argument?
Jumpher 11/29/19 11:00 PM no
Balor 11/29/19 11:00 PM you sure?
Jumpher 11/29/19 11:00 PM well, are you going to argue?
Balor 11/29/19 11:01 PM no I'm not
Jumpher 11/29/19 11:01 PM Good me either, but we've got a bit to discuss and can't do it here
Jumpher 11/30/19 7:03 AM hmmm..now you are in away. What were you doing up so early?
Balor 11/30/19 12:49 PM up...I just went to bed around 5
Jumpher 11/30/19 3:03 PM Oh? and why was that?
Balor 11/30/19 3:09 PM was playing Age of Empires 2
Then later we broke up....another lie....
Jumpher 12/13/19 6:48 PM Balor, tell me something before I delete you off my system and leave you to yourself. Why is it you lied to Brian when he asked last week? You wanted me to leave, yet you gave him another idea....why is that? I don't really want to think it is because you wanted to hurt me
Balor 12/13/19 6:53 PM because I wanted to be with you and didn't know how to do it....
Jumpher 12/13/19 6:54 PM Tell me why it is you have to make things so hard?
Balor 12/13/19 6:56 PM because everytime anything is easy it always backfires on me
Jumpher 12/13/19 6:57 PM I see.
Balor 12/13/19 7:04 PM our problems are our problems not someone elses....
Jumpher 12/13/19 7:05 PM They see each other sometimes. Look, I'm not concerned with they say. I have with the exception of once told you only the truth, even in anger and you have to agree with that.
Balor 12/13/19 7:05 PM I didn't dispute it
Jumpher 12/13/19 7:06 PM Yes you have in many ways you have. Just like you can't make up your mind. You tell me to forget it, then you do something that goes against what you say.
Balor 12/13/19 7:08 PM sorry....
Jumpher 12/13/19 7:09 PM sorry?
Balor 12/13/19 7:09 PM what else
could I possibly say?
you don't believe word one that I say anyhow
Jumpher 12/13/19 7:11 PM You know Balor.
The biggest problem I've always had about what you say.....is that you
say it, but you never DO it.
I want to believe you and to be totally honest, I mean, why not right?,
it really wouldn't take much.......just for you to follow through and for
once, to put me first...
Balor 12/13/19 7:12 PM yes I know that
Jumpher 12/13/19 7:12 PM You know, I sat this weekend going over and over and over ICQ logs....and memories. I remember a time when you put yourself out to sit through a cub scout training just to be with me. You never attempted to do something like that again...in fact, you expected me to give....and that hurts.
Balor 12/13/19 7:13 PM I know I have lied to you on several occaisions and about things there was no reason to lie about and I apologize for that
Balor 12/13/19 7:13 PM you know I actually think of that quite often
Jumpher 12/13/19 7:14 PM What I don't understand is why? Why lie to me when I've always been willing to listen.....it might take a moment to get over the anger or the shock, but not once did I ever not listen.
Balor 12/13/19 7:15 PM I know...I suppose it had just become a habit and a hard one to break at that....I am generally not a liar.....and I don't know why I did it with you
Jumpher 12/13/19 7:15 PM I think of it alot lately. It was the only time you did something for me and me alone...just because. You have no idea how special that 5 hours made me feel. I loved you more that day than any other
Balor 12/13/19 7:16 PM but how often did that sort of thing happen?
Balor 12/13/19 7:17 PM not counting the soccer games....those weren't just for you
Jumpher 12/13/19 7:17 PM You can not test me constantly....I never win if you do. You've made this so hard for me....I have to go against what it is I feel and what it is I believe inside
Balor 12/13/19 7:18 PM I am sorry I have made it hard
Jumpher 12/13/19 7:19 PM *S* Yes, I know they
weren't just for me.
The problem is Balor, you stopped and the more I tried to find out
why, the further you moved away from me. I spent hours trying to
figure out what I'd done wrong. And then, when it really counted, you've
done nothing and blamed it all on me because I can't make it happen.
Jumpher 12/13/19 7:20 PM You had no doubts when
you told Brian that I
would always love you and would never leave
you. Why is it when you are with me, you
doubt that?
Balor 12/13/19 7:20 PM I added Brian to my ignore list today....before I said some very hurtful things to him
Balor 12/13/19 7:20 PM I don't exactly know why
Jumpher 12/13/19 7:20 PM hurtful? What could you say to hurt him?
Balor 12/13/19 7:21 PM well he said something about he was the one holding you at night because I left
Jumpher 12/13/19 7:22 PM *LOL* He does have an imagination.
I don't want to talk about Brian right now.
Balor 12/13/19 7:22 PM ok.....I
didn't say to him what I wanted to say....
but we won't talk about him anymore
Jumpher 12/13/19 7:23 PM I left you once when I thought you were leaving, but I came back and devoted myself to you 110%. We fixed alot of our problems during those months. I trusted you and I had every plan not to let this mess happen.
Balor 12/13/19 7:24 PM but this mess did happen....mostly my fault
Jumpher 12/13/19 7:25 PM I really don't want to point out blame anymore. It really doesn't solve anything and the more guilt you have the more tests I have to take....I can't do that anymore.
Jumpher 12/13/19 7:26 PM And if I didn't trust you now, I certainly wouldn't be talking to you and being honest with you.
Balor 12/13/19 7:26 PM true
Balor 12/13/19 7:27 PM stray messages again
Jumpher 12/13/19 7:27 PM printing
Balor 12/13/19 7:27 PM ahhhh
Jumpher 12/13/19 7:28 PM I don't know what to
do. I am torn between doing what I believe in and self preservation.
Balor 12/13/19 7:29 PM I know....things have become quite unfriendly
Jumpher 12/13/19 7:30 PM anger and frustration can do that
Balor 12/13/19 7:30 PM I know
Balor 12/13/19 7:30 PM I have spent most of the last 8 years angry and frustrated
Jumpher 12/13/19 7:30 PM Both of us are control freaks. Until now that has not been a problem......instead of trying to control the other person, we've got to decide if we want a common vision or not.
Balor 12/13/19 7:31 PM true
Jumpher 12/13/19 7:31 PM I know you have Balor. And most of those 8 years you've pushed it into a corner. You've got to start dealing with some of this stuff we will never have a chance....if there is a we....
Balor 12/13/19 7:32 PM I do have to deal with it, I want a we
Jumpher 12/13/19 7:33 PM When I started this degree, you thougth I was trying to get into your head....you fear me because I might know something about you that you don't. I was your friend once
Jumpher 12/13/19 7:36 PM hello?
Balor 12/13/19 7:39 PM sorry computer
crashed....
yes I am prolly afraid of that
Jumpher 12/13/19 7:39 PM Why is that? I've never used anything I know against you.
Balor 12/13/19 7:40 PM just a fear that you will I suppose
Jumpher 12/13/19 7:40 PM Got a friend who can get a 21" for 299....
Jumpher 12/13/19 7:41 PM I knew long before
I started .... I am just understanding why now.
And if I haven't used it against you now...when hurting you would
at least temporarily make me feel a bit better, when would I use it...and
why? You know I"m not like that.
Balor 12/13/19 7:42 PM I know....just a fear of mine
Jumpher 12/13/19 7:43 PM Well, I'm tired of being punished for your fears.
Balor 12/13/19 7:43 PM it's not something I intentionally do
Jumpher 12/13/19 7:44 PM But you do it and then blame me when I can't take it
Jumpher 12/13/19 7:45 PM Funny email
Balor 12/13/19 7:45 PM I know....I am trying not to do that
Balor 12/13/19 7:45 PM I thought you might like it
Jumpher 12/13/19 7:46 PM When I believe in something, I believe with everything in my life. There is no room for doubt...I want to believe that the reason this has hurt so much and gone on so long is because it's meant to be, but I can't do it by myself anymore.
Balor 12/13/19 7:47 PM I know that...
Jumpher 12/13/19 7:49 PM I almost asked you the morning I left...before....when you were driving me crazy....if afterward, you were still angry or had you gotten it all out....just as I started to ask, when you reached out and touched my hair....for a moment, you remembered why you loved me....and I didn't have to ask.
Balor 12/13/19 7:49 PM it has just been a difficult time for me
Jumpher 12/13/19 7:50 PM I know that. It hasn't been easy for me.
Balor 12/13/19 7:50 PM I know
Balor 12/13/19 7:51 PM ok...Tribes is a really good game
Balor 12/13/19 7:51 PM I play it daily
Jumpher 12/13/19 7:52 PM Is that the one you are playing?
Balor 12/13/19 7:52 PM I have been playing it for about 8 months straight
Jumpher 12/13/19 7:53 PM ahhh.... Donna wants to get Zack a game....I asked him what he wanted and he asked around...his friends are playing, I don't know if I want him into that though
Balor 12/13/19 7:54 PM tribes is
a good game....but it is one of those run around kill people games....the
kind you just hate....
Age of Empires 2 is like Warcraft...prolly a better choice
Jumpher 12/13/19 7:54 PM Most of what has been going on with you has nothing to do with me. I'm not sure what to make of that....if I'm so easily replaced, then I have to reason that I'm wrong in what I feel. And Im not sure what to do about that...it makes it harder to trust you
Jumpher 12/13/19 7:55 PM I don't hate those games. I just don't think the blood and realizm is necessary for children. I played Tribes once....not too long ago.....it wasn't too bad
Balor 12/13/19 7:55 PM I know.....most of the things that have been going on are in my head
Balor 12/13/19 7:55 PM there isn't blood in tribes....the just collapse
Jumpher 12/13/19 7:56 PM I know. I said I played.
Jumpher 12/13/19 7:56 PM Until you decide what it is you want I'm stuck in this trap I can't get out of.
Balor 12/13/19 7:56 PM I know....I am sorry for that
Balor 12/13/19 7:57 PM my mom thought you were nice
Jumpher 12/13/19 7:57 PM Well, it seems you don't want me, but you don't want anyone else to have me either
Jumpher 12/13/19 7:57 PM I figured she hated me. I know she thinks I'm nuts, thanks to you not telling her that we really do have a history of more than a fuck thing....but prolly am nuts though.
Balor 12/13/19 7:58 PM thanks to me
Jumpher 12/13/19 7:58 PM To some extent.
Balor 12/16/19 3:11 PM so what do you need to talk about?
Jumpher 12/16/19 3:11 PM Okay, here it goes: Are you still carrying on with your women? Still talking etc.
Balor 12/16/19 3:12 PM what do you mean carrying on?
Jumpher 12/16/19 3:13 PM Well, I'm not sure what to call it. I guess I should ask, are you trying to set up dates, relationships ect
Balor 12/16/19 3:18 PM no, I meant
it when I said I wanted to work things out between us
--------------------------------------
ICQ History Log For:
Balor
Started on Fri Jan 21 17:01:11 2000 This is when I asked
you about Beverly and whether you'd been fucking around.....again
--------------------------------------
Balor 01/21/20 4:27 PM I don't
know about that Babydol76 but I
seemed to have reieved a similiar message in my guestbook....I suggest
you look in
your back yard before you go blaming me for contactin you.
Jumpher (Morrigan) 01/21/20 4:29 PM Posideon is the only thing
in my back yard Tues. I got
a letter about how you are seeing someone, etc. Got another.
You have been SWEARING to
me you aren't seeing anyone, much less sleeping with them.
Balor 01/21/20 4:30 PM why in the
hell would I create a hotmail account to email you
something? How often have I emailed you?
Jumpher (Morrigan) 01/21/20 4:31 PM Why do you do the things you
do? Hell, if I had that answer......
Balor 01/21/20 4:32 PM would you forward me a copy of the email you recievced....I would like the header and everything
Jumpher (Morrigan) 01/21/20 4:34 PM I deleted both. The first one I took as someone playing ajoke, but now that I know it's true, I figured I didn't need it around.
Balor 01/21/20 4:34 PM know that what is true?
Jumpher (Morrigan) 01/21/20 4:35 PM You were lying to me again.
Balor 01/21/20 4:35 PM what was I lying about now?
Jumpher (Morrigan) 01/21/20 4:36 PM You never have stopped fooling around with anyone. That is why you wouldn't come here when you said you wanted to see me and work on things. You just wanted to see how long I'd dangle on that string before I had enough.
Balor 01/21/20 4:38 PM I do want to see you and work things out, but whatever then....
Jumpher (Morrigan) 01/21/20 4:39 PM Don't whatever me. I got a copy of your guestbook too. And she doesn't JUST have the pics on your website to go by
Balor 01/21/20 4:41 PM can't even have friends huh
Jumpher (Morrigan) 01/21/20 4:41 PM Sure didn't sound like a friend to me. Especially since you are just SO cute.
Balor 01/21/20 4:41 PM LOL...that has been an ongoing joke on firetalk.....
Jumpher (Morrigan) 01/21/20 4:42 PM Don't tell me that you met her on firetalk. She lives right there in Springfield.
Balor 01/21/20 4:42 PM no I met her here I'm building a computer for her
Jumpher (Morrigan) 01/21/20 4:44 PM Whatever Balor. You
made your decision, I
told when you were thinking that you were not guaranteeing that we
were over if you
didn't have enough guts to try. That's why I said don't bother
me again.
Balor 01/21/20 4:47 PM it's done so I don't what we are arguning about
Jumpher (Morrigan) 01/21/20 4:48 PM I"m not arguing. If I had wanted to catch you in another lie, I'd have asked her myself.
Jumpher (Morrigan) 01/21/20 4:54 PM Good. I'm tired of playing
your games. I
told you that already